Journey to the Spark

I’ve been so consumed by darkness that I forgot what light was. I’ve watched parts of my life go by in flickers like a film strip from a camera. I’ve watched people beam so brightly that they blinded me. I’ve helped others through their own darkness all while being consumed by my own. I would rather drown trying to save someone else then save myself.

Being surrounded by perpetual darkness made me feel like I was the empty space between the cracks in the sidewalk. ‘The only person who can save you is yourself’- that thought made me quiver in my sleep. If I was the one who was going to save me, I wasn’t going to make it. I was going to crash and burn like the other poor souls who came before me; I was going to permanently become one with the darkness.

And then a small spark appeared off in the distance. It was rather tiny and quick, no bigger than a dime. I grit my teeth and stumbled my way blindly through the darkness with the temporary spark guiding me. With every step I took the spark became larger and brighter and soon it was a candle sized flame. I stopped to rest, uncertain about this sudden light. I looked at my feet: beat up and dirty from the journey I had just begun. The flame beckoned me to continue to walk on the blackened path. I clawed my way through sinkholes and jumped over canyons, all while aiming towards this ever growing light. I became caked in debris and heavy from the progress I had made. With every obstacle, the now blazing fire, became more within my reach. It felt absurd to be running towards the unknown light, but I knew I had no other choice; if I didn’t go I would never leave the darkness. This fire had become my lifeline

The treacherous journey came to an end when I stood there facing my lifeline, my flame, my savior. All along it hadn’t been a spark or flame but rather a person. A miraculous human who was so eager to see me that she clasped our hands together vowing to never let go. The moment my hand touched her gleaming skin, I too began to glow. The darkness was shed, the bruises were healed, and the cuts scarred over. She kissed my wrist and explained, “You can’t control where you’ve been but you can control where you go from here.” With my hand in hers she led me to the place that I had been long ago: the light.