As 2016 came a close, I had come to realize just how many monumental moments occurred during the last year.
- I went to prom with my girlfriend. This was a big deal because we are a long distance couple, so doing something normal felt nice; it’s also how I basically came out to people at school.
- I graduated high school. That by itself is a giant accomplishment.
- I finally, after a year and a half of waiting, got my hair cut short.
- I began my freshman year of college and passed all my first semester classes (thank you God).
Along with these public moments that happened, I also learned more about myself more than I ever have:
- I’m nonbinary.
- Clothes that are traditionally considered “feminine” absolutely repulse me; I have finally transitioned to an androgynous style.
I have begun to look back on everything I went through in 2016 and have come to a conclusion:
It’s not about the moments, but rather the people you share those moments with.
This year I learned to appreciate the people I surround myself with. It’s very easy to take everything for granted, whether it be people or things. I caught myself not fully appreciating moments with the people that truly matter until I went home for Christmas break and was reunited with my three best friends. Hanging out with them, after being away for far too long, made me realize just how much I love them.
When you look back on events and things that have happened, whether it just be from the last year or even the last five years, there are certain moments that bring solace and comfort while others bring happiness. But if you look deeper than just the moments, you will begin to see the people within those times. I think recognizing and acknowledging the ones who held your hand through everything is very important.
One big thing took me by surprise. For once, I wasn’t kicking and screaming about wanting to leave my hometown; I actually wanted to stay. As I packed to come back to school, I cried for many reasons. I was leaving my dog, who is sick and we don’t know how much more time she has left. I was leaving behind three of the most crazy, obnoxious, loud, eccentric, kind, beautiful, loving people I have ever met: my three best friends. I had actually enjoyed my time back in my hometown, which surprised me, and it gave me a sense of comfort that I’ve never quite felt before. I was scared to come back to a place that, for some reason, gives me anxiety and honestly doesn’t make me feel great.
As I sit here at my desk awaiting the start of second semester, that same fear still sits in my stomach. I may not know why and I may not be able to control it, but I am determined to make this semester better than the last. My life is in my hands and it’s about time I took control of it.
In my head this all seemed organized but now that I’m actually writing it I feel like this could be better. Although I feel that way, I’m trying to embrace letting go and watching what words form. On that note, I’ll leave you with a little something I jotted down in my phone notes on New Year’s Eve.
As I sit here with five minutes left in 2016, I am utterly grateful and relieved that I made it through the year. I’m ringing in the new year with my girlfriend, who I love more than anything. I have my dog with me and I get to hug her at midnight; knowing that she won’t be here much longer makes this holiday mean a lot to me.
I am proud of myself for getting through the year and you should be proud of yourself too. 2016 was a fairly hard and interesting year for many people. Lets make 2017 the year of YOU. The year of letting go of insecurities and worries and fears and instead work towards what you want no matter what. Because we are all worthy of a big and beautiful life.
So, here’s to making 2017 the year of us. The dreamers. The creators. The goal setters.
Until next time,