LDR Advice & Feelings

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. In today’s post, I wanted to share the story of how we met and tips and struggles of being in a long distance relationship. I know, for me, when I’m feeling isolated for being in an LDR I like to read other couples’ stories; I hope this can help any one out there who is in the same position as me.

In August 2014, I had joined a website called TrevorSpace , which is basically a website like Facebook but it’s for LGBTQ+ youth and allies between the ages of 13 and 24. I wasn’t out to people in my personal life at the time so I was searching for other kids my age to talk to. I had met a few people but I hadn’t really clicked with any of them. I didn’t log on for a while until on May 2015 when I received an e-mail saying I had gotten a message from a girl named Crimson on TrevorSpace. I went through her profile, as any other excited curious teen would, and noticed that she lived in Texas while I lived in North Carolina. We began messaging on the website and all I could think the whole time was: “I really like her but I know I’m not lucky enough to one day call her mine.” With time differences, it was basically impossible to talk online, so I asked for her number and long story short, we haven’t stopped talking since.

Oh and I did end up being lucky enough to call her mine.

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Source: vimeo.com/127496311

Now that 2017 is here (which is so crazy), I began to think about how this year will be Crimson and I’s two year anniversary. With that being said, it also is a pat on the back of sorts, having lasted and thrived in a long distance relationship for two years. We’ve been through a hell of a lot together and I just wanted to share a few of the things that I’ve struggled with and how I’ve come to cope with certain situations.


Some days the other person is going to be busy and they won’t be able to talk as much. They could be in school or at work where it’s impossible to text you or they could just be having a busy day with running errands and doing homework. For me, this is one of the hardest things that I had to learn. Sometimes I catch myself sounding like a whiney child in my head while thinking, “Hello? Do I not exist anymore? I just want you to talk to me.” It takes me a while to get out of this headspace but sometimes I’m stuck in it all day, like I was this past week. I become frustrated by the distance between us, I get angry. I’m never angry at her but I get angry and resentful towards the distance because that’s one thing that I can’t control at the moment. Some days I would sell my soul to have her next to me when I have a bad day; sometimes the act of wishing she was with me hurts more than the actual reason as to why I’m upset.

And sometimes, as hard as this may sound, they won’t be there for you in certain moments. In moments of sheer panic or anxiety, you might not be able to call them or communicate. I’ve had times where I’ve really needed Crimson, but she’s been in a class where she’s unable to text or in a meeting or has bad reception. Many thoughts have run through my head when she’s not available and I’m in a crisis. I always think: “Why do I have to keep going through hard moments alone?” This feeling normally goes away once she’s finally able to talk to me.

Rereading this I feel like I sound whiney and emotionally unstable, but I wanted to share some of the struggles I’ve had in my long distance relationship and how I deal with them. I know that someone out there can relate to this; after all, I feel like all LDR couples are in it together.


LDR TIPS:

  1. Schedule Skype dates. Pick a date and a time that works for you guys consistently. Even if you both only can video chat for an hour twice a week, write that down and stick to it; it helps knowing that you have a set date and time to talk to your significant other.
  2. Talk about what you both want in the future. This is one of my favorite things to do with my girlfriend. Talk about where you want to live, your dream jobs, if you want any pets; start building a vision for your life.
  3. Create a vision board or blog or social media page together. Some of our favorites are Tumblr and Pinterest. You both can add pictures of things you want, places you want to travel, or anything else your hearts desire! I find it really fun because you get to see a visual of things that your significant other likes rather than only talking about various topics.
  4. Get your significant other’s school/work schedule. Instead of wondering what your partner is doing, you can look and say “oh they’re in English class right now” or “they’re work shift ends in an hour.” This involves you to feel like you’re there during their day rather than feeling like an outsider because you’re miles away.
  5. Remind yourself that the distance isn’t forever. You’ll graduate school. You’ll transfer to them. They’ll move in with you. The possibilities are endless. This chapter will end and you guys will begin the next one together, I promise.

Even though long distance is hard, it’s all worth it because I have her in my life. At this point, I can’t picture my life without her; I’m so grateful for Crimson. I will push through the distance as long as it takes for us to get to the moment that we can wake up next to each other every single morning.

I’m working my ass off in college right now so that when fall 2017 rolls around, I’ll be able to submit a top of the line application to Crimson’s school in Texas. I want to transfer to her school for many reasons, not just because she’s there. In fall 2018, I will hopefully be living with Crimson and attending school with her. Make sure you click the follow button so you can be here through our journey to end the distance!

So, here’s to love that conquers the distance.

Until next time,

Jupiter

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